It's funny how bittersweet it is to be in the final stretch of what will probably be my last pregnancy ever. There are so many mixed emotions. On te one hand there is the wonderful excitement of meeting our beautiful daughter and completing our family in a way that I wondered for a while if would even be possible. Between my husbands doubts about another child and my concerns about my age and fertility it was not easy to get here. Being here now is a dream coming true. It's hard though too knowing that this is probably the last time ill ever feel a baby kick inside my womb. This will be my last birth experience. My last newborn to hold and smell the top of her head. These are the final weeks ill have to enjoy this big round belly. The final weeks to go on little one on one dates with my son and cuddle him close while we sleep. The final weeks of having our groove in my marriage and with parenthood.
It's spring like in Portland this week and looks to continue throughout. With the eary spring will come my sweet daughter. A new soul to whom I will be utterly devoted and madly in love with. A little girl who will bring my son the joy of a sibling and built in friend and playmate. I'm tired and my body is full of aches and pains. Being pregnant is wonderful but I am entering the phase that makes me crave the completion. I look forward to having my body back and holding and enjoying my little girl. In the end there will always be an end no matter what. If you have 2 babies or 7 babies eventually you will be on your last one. The only difference is if you have 7 your body, your finances and you household will be a shambles. So perhaps this the way it's supposed to be. A small family of four where no one is outnumbered and the sexes and parent to kid ratio will be evenly matched. I just have to embrace this era in the moment as best I can for as long as it lasts and when a new era arrives embrace that one as well.
