15 weeks tomorrow!

Technically I was a quarter of the way through this pregnancy at 10 weeks and ill be halfway through next month at 20 but If you think about it those first four weeks ( or 3 and a half at least) you have no idea you're even pregnant! So in terms of the actual time I've been pregnant I'm just past that mark. I do feel lucky to know that I will truly be halfway through the wait at 20 weeks, give or take a week since I went over with my son and fully expect to go over with this baby girl as well. I'm not excited about that prospect but at least a bit more prepared and I will have my son to keep me occupied as well. I'm hoping to make that a time for enjoying our last days just the three of us (well four with our kitty).

Speaking of birth I am thinking a lot about that today. I truly wish I hadn't required induction with my son. I would love to avoid it this time of possible but I am also not keen on going over much more than a week or so this pregnancy. I'd rather get her out and know the placenta or fluid levels haven't been at a compromised. I'm also a lot less concerned about a natural birth. I'm convinced that my epidural is what helped me progress and I've heard multiple stories of women being denied epidural or not getting it and finally they opt for a c section because they aren't progressing and it's too painful and stressful for them and the baby. Older women are generally supposed to have a harder time going into labor on our own or progressing so it makes sense. I'm just praying for the most healthy birth I can have for both my daughter and myself. I also do not feel inclined to have a midwife or a water birth at all. My experience was that I didn't enjoy laboring in an upright position or tub as much as lying down. I was surprised by that too.

The fall season is really starting to happen here and I'm so excited. I'm enjoying spending time with my son on our walks. Last weekend we went apple picking and I made homemade apple sauce. I hope to make more. It's hard to believe that we have this season and one more then there will be a whole new person in our lives. Sometimes I think of it an get very nervous but mostly I am so excited and ready for the challenge. I'm so grateful to the universe for giving me this baby. Most likely my final pregnancy and baby, I am trying to enjoy it as much as I can. I am trying to enjoy the present moment. I know that a lot of changes await us. I will have less freedom or ability to get around like I can now. Learning to drive is going to be a huge goal once I get through the newborn days and our life starts to balance out. I'm even open to joining a daycare co op if I can find one nearby that will accept an unpotty trained toddler and a pregnant mommy. We shall see.

Dear Daughter

You are the perfect cherry on the delicious sundae that life has been since your father and I met an fell in love and started our family. I yearned for you with such intensity. As I looked at your beautiful brother my heart filled with the hope that someday I would be lucky enough to be blessed with at least one more miracle and that miracle is you! There is a space in my heart reserved especially for you. You will join your father, kitty brother and big brother in the depths of my love and soul. I thank the heavens for blessing me with you and I promise to always put you and your brother ahead of everything. I will move mountains for you! I will raise you with all of the love and compassion that I have in my heart! I am so excited to meet you. Stay healthy and strong in there. I heard your little heart just minutes ago. It was beating wild horse. You were moving around so much in your last ultrasound. I can tell that you have spunk already. My little Pippi! I wish that I could make you a Pippi painting like the Calvin and Hobbes painting we did for your brother. Perhaps I can convince you father. I love you so much already baby girl! Thank you for blessing my life yet again.

Seeing Pink!

Well we got the most wonderful surprise yesterday: we are having a baby GIRL!

I can't quite believe it and now I can fess up that this indeed was my wish! Above all healthy baby! And that she is coming in as lowest level of risk for downs and other abnormalities. That was truly the best news but the icing on the cake is made of sweet baby girl dust! Our son will have a baby sister in his life to help him along with myself up understand women, be sensitive and keep his soft side. Part of me can't believe it even though the blood test is 99% accurate! How can we be so blessed?

I'll work on composing a letter to you sweet little girl! Momma Dadda and Big brother love you and any wait to meet you!

Been a long time

I am doing very well! I am 12 weeks pregnant today and saw a very active sweet little fetus dancing around in my tummy last week. Sickness went from rough to hardly at all startin at around 11 weeks or so (seemed to coincide with cooler weather) and we came out to the public today. It now really feels real! We are having a second sweet baby. It's such an amazing blessing. Our son will be 2 on Sunday and today was his due date. My husband just got a wonderful new job and things just feel glorious these days. I can only enjoy it and pray it continues.

We got a blood test done last Friday that will not only test for all genetic conditions but will tell us our new little baby's sex. I would be in complete and utter shock if this baby were not a boy. Despite more sickness this time than last I am firm in the team blue camp as far as intuition goes. I would be over the moon in equal proportions if I found out I was to have a daughter but my soul sees two little boys. Initially I was a bit sad thinking of that saying "a son is a son till he takes a wife but a daughter is a daughter the rest of your life" then I realized that that's simply not true! I know sons who are immensely close to their mothers and daughters who barely speak to their mothers. On both sides there can be closeness or tension. I do think seeing a daughter possibly play dress up in my wedding dress or have her own baby grow inside her would be magical but I also love the idea of my boys! Big young men who will protect their momma someday and strong masculine energy. I grew up with very little masculine energy in my life so it's refreshing. I played Barbies and princesses with my sister. I got to have the girly experience, including the fights. So it will be amazing to see the other side of that. We went blueberry picking yesterday and the woman who ran the farm was telling us about her four strapping grandsons. They all come back to the farm often. They love it there and they want to someday end up there. They are all also super close with each other. It made me smile. I have a lot of hope that my boys will be close with my husband and I, their grandparents and each other their whole lives. In the end the sex of the child doesn't determine that. I think a welcoming supportive and happy home life could help though.

So now we wait! I am just excited to know so I can start envisioning my life with two beautiful boys or a sweet boy and baby girl. I think I know which it will be but you never truly know until you know. And a healthy baby truly is my only wish!