FULL TERM = F%^()@)**&!!!!!!!!

Today is my baby's due date. I think in my mind I always kind of pictured this day perhaps coming and I thought i would feel calm and serene, full of certainty that if he did not come today his arrival was imminent. Well, I was wrong. I feel absolutely batshit crazy insane. I am FURIOUS at the thought of my baby not coming this weekend, especially going past Wednesday. I want to strangle anyone who tells me to be patient or that he will come when he is ready. I am completely devoid of grace or serenity right now.

I think part of the problem is that the baby board i belong to has seen an erruption in babies. I was due first, that being today yet no one has made it to their due date yet but me. The next girl due is due September 9th and then after that September 18th. and there is a girl on there who is being induced a week early on the 13th and was originally due the 25th but her doc moved it to the 20th, she is bitching and trying to get her premature baby out! MY baby is FULL TERM BITCH! I did really well till Thursday. That's when the babies started coming and I started feeling like shit. I want my baby too! I want him to be born! I don;t want him to grow to toddler size while i wait in agony. I want to hold and hug and kiss my sweet baby. Why do i have to be the one who goes full or post term? This sucks.

I am so blessed to be having this baby and I feel terrible for feeling this way but lately i have been telling my husband that i just wish i could be put in a safe mini coma until labor time. I can hardly sleep or think right now. I am able to distract myself for little jags but its just so hard. I feel sometimes like i am being punished for wanting a natural birth and getting so high and mightly about it.

Anyway, i hope this is my last babyless update. I hope to soon be holding my beautiful healthy son and laughing at my Low point. Laughing at my total freakout. Right now i just can't imagine lasting another day let alone a week. I HOPE! I PRAY! PLEASE GOD! Let me be holding my sweet baby by the end of this 3 day weekend.