Let down and hangin around...

Okay I'll admit it, I really did think it would be that easy again. I thought I was pregnant and we were going to be celebrating a baby this month. I told myself I was cool abut the whole thing but then I was doing one of my routine CM checks and found spotting. That was 3 days ago. Day before yesterday it turned to heavy period and the devisyation and worry set in. I think one of the things that made it hit harder is the fact that I had another crappy cycle with a super short luteal phase. I think I am going to skip the B complex this cycle. I also think I need to cut back more on nursing. I sure hope I don't have to cut back entirely but as it stands I need to stop letting my son suckle endlessly, particularly at night because I think that's having and effect. I'm also having a very painful period. Lots of bad cramping can be felt in my back abdomen, sides and even in my left calf. I worry about hormonal imbalances, I worry about cysts or uterine fibroids. I worry about kidney infections. I worry about high FSH and low amh. I worry about my age. I worry about financial or situation things  getting my husband to jump off the wagon that I worked so hard to get him on. I worry about money. I stress. I worry about worry.

Clearly I need to overhaul a few things in order to help myself get to a better place. Here is my list:

Improve diet. Less sugar more smoothies and veggies and whole grains.

Improve sleep. This is a hard one but a big one. I need to sleep better and more often.

Less stress. Try meditation, exercise, breathing techniques, acupuncture, warm baths with salts, spa Hot tub, fertility yoga, laughter, aroma therapy.

Improve finances : start really buckling down on spending. Sock away little bits of money. Stop eating out as much. Try to sell things or get work babysitting or doing odd jobs. Get back on a strict meal plan. Cook and freeze meals.

Enjoy life and what I have now. Learn to be patient and have faith. I may consider some eastern religion even. I need to make sure I  am enjoying the moment and not sweating the small stuff. I WILL give Tor a sibling! One way or another I ell make it happen. In the meantime I need to appreciate the gift that is my family.