thoughts of the future

there is a lot on my mind these days and it has surprisingly been a bit different than my usual MO of late.

First off i am starting to get a bit scared about moving. whereas before i was just raring to go and was actually hoping it would be sooner, now i am starting to really get scared of leaving the city that has been my home for over 15 years.

i have a wonderful apartment here. it's the apartment i met and have spent all my days with my husband in falling in love. dreaming of marriage. becoming cat parents. it will be sad to leave this small but wonderful studio and head off into the unknown. the same goes for the city. i know where everything is and how to get around easily. i'm scared of the change. i know it will be good for us and that life is filled with change but i am scared. all of the sudden the reality of new and unpredictable things is laid before me. how will it affect my marriage? will i change as a person? will i be happy like i have been in new york? only time will tell.

i try to focus on the good things. the things to come. parenthood.

i imagine tiny little trick or treaters of our own. we are getting dressed up too and taking them to the surrounding neighborhoods with glee. putting up decorations and getting excited. i saw and lately have seen often this wonderful sparkling look in my husbands eyes. i think that he is excited for the year to come. excited for playing santa and having a yard and having space for our family.

i am too. i hope that the journey is, not easy because i know it never is, but i do hope that we are able to make at least two beautiful healthy children and give them and each other the life that we want. i hope that my husband likes the job he gets after we move and that i will take to motherhood like a natural. i hope that i can help out too and keep my health and my families in tip top shape.

the dream is starting to feel very real to me and i love that.

in some other fun news my sister started dating a man who seems like a very good prospect. time will tell and they only have their 2nd date tonight but she sees him as a potential boyfriend and i am starting to feel the glimmers of hope that she will find a fun sweet and wonderful husband of her own to father her babies too. i want this for everyone i know who wants it for themselves. for all my darling friends.

time will tell but the future is starting to feel more and more like it's on the horizon. it's scary but it's also incredible. here is hoping that 2012 is a great year full of realized dreams!