it is approximately 9 months until my husband and i will start trying for a baby of our own. 9 months being the typical length of a pregnancy i have dubbed myself officially pregnant with ideas and plans for pregnancy. it's true that i have been thinking about it for a lot longer. it became particularly strong about 6 months prior to my wedding but now it is fever pitch. i am in full on mommy head mode. some things i am doing during my pre-preggers pregnancy:
taking prenatal vitamins. i actually started these last year because i was growing out my hair for my wedding. i am now on the prescription strength ones. everything i read has said that it's not only vital to go on a prenatal up to three months before trying to conceive BUT it actually can affect the baby up to a year in advance. this means that my neurotic planning might actually make a difference in the health of my future child. yay for obsessing! it is also just good for general health.
paraben, phthalate, pesticide and bpa free. did you know that there are endocrine disrupting chemicals in the cast majority of the cosmetics, lotions and sunscreens we use everyday? i sure as hell didn't. i feel kind of pissed off that it took the prospect of conceiving a child to give me a clue about how many harmful things can be found on our shelves. i suddenly understand why everything i see at Jack's 99 cent store is so affordable. it makes sense now that there are unscented and "natural" versions of products that carry a much loftier price tag. poison free comes at a price. i threw out about 75% of my make-up and hair products. it disgusted me. i felt like the scene in ERIN BROCOVITCH when a woman realizes the water is poisonous and desperately calls for her children to get out of the swimming pool. okay, that is a tad dramatic but i definitely felt freaked out. i felt the same way when i learned about acetone. the pesticides i knew more about but i have since become much more conscious of what the dirty fruits and veggies are. what i should buy organic(apples, spinach, peaches) and what i can skip on (things like bananas and avocados). i also stopped nuking anything in the microwave that is in a plastic container (adios lean cuisine) and i try to avoid drinking bottled water or drinks unless i can find them in glass bottles. i am all about glass these days. the cleaning products and detergents have been changed to natural seventh generation type stuff. i try to avoid most chemicals and the biggest and hardest one of all: i have officially started using toms of maine lavender deodorant about 95% of the time. is it better for my health? yes. does it work? barely. sometimes i have to go back to my aluminum hard core teen spirit because i am a smelly nelly and it just wont do to be smelly in some circumstances. but for the most part i am off the stuff and embracing my inner self hating hippy!
wives aint just for husbands. i could have a wife myself someday. a mid wife that is. the more i read and research and educate myself, the more i feel that the ideal situation if it's possible is not only to have a natural (god help me) and vaginal birth but to employ the help of both an obstetrician and a mid-wife. many c-sections are performed unnecessarily every year or are brought on by induced labor and impatient or lawsuit fearing obstetricians and hospitals. i don't think i could forgo the doctors office entirely but after watching the documentaries PREGNANT IN AMERICA and THE BUSINESS OF BEING BORN i have become strongly compelled to use a mid-wife and perhaps even have a home birth if my advanced maternal age and the health of my pregnancy deems it possible.it's something i never thought about at all before. now i am not looking yet, especially because we have to figure our move but i am seriously tempted to start scoping out the scene on midwives and obstetricians asap. it's not something i want to hand over to fate blindly.i haven't talked to my husband about this aspect yet or asked for him to weigh in. he already thinks i am a bit of a loony tune for starting to think about all of this stuff so early on but then again he is one of those guys who has very little sense of urgency. i am the polar opposite. usually we end up regulating each other enough to meet somewhere in the middle and that's what i assume will decide the mid wife verses obstetrician choice as well. we make an excellent team.
charting the course. when my doctor used to ask me when i had my last period i would squint my eyes and pick a date that sounded semi-correct with little to no concern. i knew my fake period, the one you get when you are on birth control pills, within reason but even that was not to the day. it's funny because once i started thinking about my fertility a friend recommended a book called TAKING CHARGE OF YOUR FERTILITY and i realized after reading it that i didn't know jack shit about my own body. my first objective was getting off the pill and pronto. it can take up t a year for a woman's cycle to return to normal. knowing i was planning to try in under a year i realized i had better give myself some insurance. especially when i read that there was a 20% chance of conception each month for women in their prime fertile years (aka not old broads like me) and it goes down to about 15% in the 30s and keeps declining. 35 is the age when the biggest dipping begins. the super dip is at 38. it takes the average fertile couple about 6 months to a year to conceive. when i did the math i realized that i needed to buy myself any time possible, this meant waiting around for my post pill cycle to regulate was not an option. i have been of the pill for a month and a half now. my husband and i use a diaphragm with spermicide along with me charting my fertility. we hate the diaphragm but it's the only semi spontaneous (you can put it in hours before and keep in in for up to 24 hours) and non hormonal form of birth control. my husband can feel it a bit. to my knowledge i had pretty regular periods prior to going on the pill 2 years ago and i do recall having that stretchy cervical fluid that they call egg white, and that is considered to be the most fertile kind. that, along with cervical position, thermal shift in basal body temperature and LH surge seem to be the best indication that you are ovulating. so now i wake up every morning and take my temperature. i have to remember not to talk or pee. i forget sometimes but in general it gives and indication. i only have the one month to go on but it does look like i may have ovulated last month with a 29 day cycle and a 13 day luteal phase i am looking pretty good thus far. still my hormones have made me feel a bit crazy since going off the pill and i wont really know if my cycles are regular or true until a few months of charting have gone by. it's very weird but it's also an interesting lesson in personal biology. i am a practical learner so while i am sure i must have touched on some of this in high school biology none of it really made so much sense as it does now. charting is a bit of a pain in the booty but the good news is that it should allow for my husband and i to up our odds a bit more when we start the baby making dance. many people just assume it will happen like clockwork and i am no longer of that mind at all. i wish there were a way to know in advance of going for it. there is not but things like charting help give one a leg up.
bmi, diet and yoga for fertility. yoga is like control alt delete for files problems. if you are physically, emotionally or intellectually fucked yoga is chicken soup mixed with fairy dust and the warm embrace of mama earth and father yoda. there is yoga for everything these days. yoga for fertility. yoga for cancer survivors. yoga for sociopaths. yoga for the blue collar sexaholic homosexual. if you are dealing with something challenging there is a yoga cure. chakras wont make a horrible sound on the blackboard. they are always peaceful and cure everything. vigorous exercise can be too stressful on the body and it can affect the menstrual cycle. no exercise is the worst thing you can do though so, as with most things, it's all about moderation. i wont be running 9mph on my treadmill like i used to but i also wont just do a few yoga poses and call it a day. a for diet, nutrient rich foods are the way to go. whole grains should make up the majority. that means things like beans, lentils, legumes, oats, barley, brown rice, quinoa, cous cous, and wheat to name a few. then we are doing the obvious fruits and vegetables thing. the more colorful the better. iceberg lettuce is about as empty as a glass of water so whilst having some as filler might be a good way to cut calories it wont give the nutrients needed for optimal reproductive health. some of the highest touted are avocados, spinach, yams/sweet potatoes, bananas, beets, chard, kale, broccoli, cauliflower, peels oranges (that while skin is good good good), dark berries, strawberries, and figs. proteins are good in moderation but most meats are not and the fewer consumed the better. protein from beans, seeds and nuts is grade A. fish is good too so long as its not the high mercury kind like sword fish, mackeral, or tuna. Salmon is one of the best types to eat. shrimp is also good and seems to be in many of the fertility diet recipes. honey is considered on of the big fertility friendly foods and for the guys oysters are supposed to give them a boost. cutting back on caffeine, even the kind in tea is recommended. that one is the hardest. i don't drink much alcohol and i haven't had a cigarette in two years almost but i love me some coffee. now i just have one small cup daily if at all. meh.
SAVING MONEY. this one probably should have been listed closer to the top because it's really important. it is not fun, especially when i want to enjoy spending on me and me alone while it lasts. no can do though. moving and pregnancy and child rearing cost money. i refuse to let a pair of new jeans or spending money drinking with buddies hinder my ability to provide a stable life for my family. since i will be staying home with the kids until they are school age or so it's even more important that we put together a very cushy nest egg in the coming months. some things i have done to help with this aside from putting at least 200 bucks away every paycheck are: i joined a cheaper gym. i hate lucille roberts but they are 40 dollars cheaper per month than my old gym and that's almost 100 per month i will save. no more monthly therapy sessions. i gave this one up in the pre wedding phase but it is here to stay. unless i hit some kind of crazy insanity quotient i am gonna have to work my shit out on my own for a while. i have started cooking and eating at home more and limiting how much i spend on meals, entertainment and transportation. i get magazines from my laundry mat and i try not to even walk in to stores with cute clothes unless they are deep discounted things that i can where as a pregnant woman or a mother.
research. this is a big one and it's the only reason i know any of the above. i am reading books about every stage of pregnancy and parenthood. i am reading about fertility at every stage and all the things that effect it. i am reading about the toll on relationships and a woman. about postpartum and baby blues. the one thing that has helped me truly cherish having many months still until i will try to conceive is that it gives me the opportunity to really learn and know my shit before i am in the throes of it all. you can't plan everything but there are certainly situations or conditions that can be altered or avoided by a little pre preggers preparation.
i am ready for the challenges of motherhood and if the onset were tomorrow i'm sure i could roll with the punches but i value very highly the idea that this will be a planned parenthood every step of the way. when you have to wait for something it can present many advantages even if you are mature like me and feeling the urge in the strongest sense. so it's beyond just filling my time blindly. i am gearing up for the next chapter of my life and i am hellbent on making it as joyful and mindful and experience as i can.
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